Racism & Stereotyping

Food for thought:

We like to think of ourselves as very religious and modest people. But our definition of modesty is limited to some very superficial factors which include the way we dress up, whether we have any inappropriate relationships with the opposite gender or not and if you are a woman then being passive in the face of oppression and abuse or not expressing your opinion if it differs from that of others also make you a modest person. We adopt this persona of so called modesty but the irony is that when it comes to matters like racism and judging others then we are as far away from the teachings of our religion as possible. We are as immodest as one can be. We love to be judgemenal. We feel entitled to be judgemental. Without giving it an ounce of thought we like to label people and make assumptions about them. Same is the case when it comes to issues like racism and stereotyping. You are ugly because you are dark. You are unattractive because you are fat. No one is going to marry you because you are not pretty enough. Your character must be shady because you are divorced. Her character must be shady because look at the way she is dressed. You are going to hell because you are a follower of that sect. I cannot hire you for this job not because you are not qualified enough but because you didn't come to me by the reference of a friend of mine. We can't marry our child into that family because our caste or nationality is different from theirs. He must be stupid because he is a pathan. He must be a sweeper because he is a non-muslim. I cannot share a meal with this person because he or she is a follower of a different religion. She must be a bad mother because she has a career. We say and do all these things without even thinking how much we are hurting, offending and demotivating others by doing so. When it comes to these matters we definitely need to unlearn what we have learned so far and relearn what our religion actually teaches us. We need to learn that simply being kind to others without judging them can do miracles for them and for us as well.

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Lessons from Surah Kahf

Surah Kahf tells us two contrasting stories. On one hand we have the people of the cave who had absolutely no resource at their disposal and a king who was looking for them to kill them and make an example out of them. They hid in a cave and sought Allah's help. Allah bent the laws of nature for them and saved them in a miraculous way. On the other hand we have the story of two gardeners one of whom has all the resources one can think of in which he takes pride and believes that none of his assets will ever perish. Allah subsequently takes each and every thing away from him and he is left bankrupt. So in contrast, even if you have no material resource at your disposal but you have Allah and his help then nothing can destroy you but if you have everything else at your disposal but Allah and his help are not with you then you are going to be left bankrupt at the end. In a nutshell, your reliance should be on Allah alone and not on any of the material resources.

Another pair of contrasting stories in Surah Kahf are the story of Musa (A.S) and Khidr (A.S) and the story of  Zulqarnain. Musa (A.S) goes on a journey with Khidr (A.S) on Allah's order. On the journey Musa (A.S) witnesses plenty of unjust situations and he has no power to do anything about the injustice being done. At the end he learns that all of those things that apparently seemed unfair served a greater purpose and whatever happened happened for the best. He just did not have enough knowledge to be able to see the bigger picture. On the other hand, Zulqarnain is the king and he travels the world and since he has enough power gifted to him by Allah he fixes all the unjust situations that he encounters by the command and will of Allah. These contrasting stories teach us the lesson that in life we will come across situations that we wont like or certain things will happen that we don't want to happen or vice versa. Sometimes we will have the power and capacity to fix those things but some times we won't have the power or capacity to fix those things. If we are capable of fixing things we should do so in the best possible way but if we are not capable of that then we should trust Allah's plan and keep moving. In a nutshell, we should play our part in the best way possible but no matter what happens in our lives or around us it is all part of Allah's plan and everything is going to work out for the best eventually.

How can this Surah save us from the fitnah of Dajjal?

When Dajjal will come he will mesmerize the mankind by means of producing materialistically great stuff. As a result of which people will worship him. But if trust and reliance in Allah is deeply rooted in your heart and mind, if you believe in the unseen as taught in these two pairs of contrasting stories then you can protect yourself from that fitnah.

Reference: https://youtu.be/xePnDoe3y-s

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Anxiety

The feeling of constant uneasiness. Absence of peace. Absence of contentment. An unsettling feeling inside. Constant desire to do something or go somewhere but not knowing what to do or where to go. Lack of interest in everything. Difficulty in falling asleep. Waking up from sleep with a feeling of panic. Inability to focus. Inability to stop the train of thoughts. Rather trains of thoughts. Throbbing of the heart at unusually high rate and heavy breathing. This is how anxiety feels to me.

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Do Not Judge

There is a sect of Islam that has certain beliefs that I don’t agree with. As a matter of fact, there are many such sects. And not only Islam. There are other religions that have certain beliefs that I don’t agree with. But there is this particular sect in Islam whose ways I find rather amusing or one can say worth mocking. But recently I have been thinking about one thing. There is a saying by Rumi:

So there actually ARE multiple paths to reach God, to find Him. Each path IS actually different from the rest. Just because I am on a different path than someone else I am in no position to assume that I am right and the other person is wrong or vice versa. May be I am wrong and he is right. May be he is wrong and I am right. May be we are both right. May be we are both wrong.

There are certain things, certain beliefs, certain ways that ARE right and some that ARE wrong. But it is not our job to judge people and label them as deviant or righteous. Not at all. We are in no position for that. Only one who is in such a position is God Himself. It is up to him to decide who is righteous and who is deviant. Who is going to hell and who is going to heaven? Because He knows what lies within peoples' hearts while we don't. Our job is to acquire knowledge and educate ourselves so that we can learn and decide by ourselves what is right for us to do or believe and what is not. Because how else will we be able to develop our beliefs and values. But the first thing that we must learn before learning to distinguish between right and wrong is that whatever knowledge I acquire it SHOULD NOT make me judgmental towards others.

The thing is that knowledge is never constant. It evolves. It evolves and the process of evolution is never ending. As your knowledge evolves, your understanding of what’s right and what’s wrong changes. What today you think is wrong, tomorrow you will probably think that the same thing is right and vice versa. So never mock anyone for their beliefs or the ways that they follow because tomorrow it is possible for you to find yourself sharing their beliefs and ways.

Lets say you disagree with someone on a certain matter. Lets say they ARE actually wrong and you ARE actually right about that matter. And you mock them or judge them or assume that because of their ignorance regarding this particular matter they are going to be doomed. They are lost. And so you look down upon them. What if there are certain acts of theirs due to which they are dearer to God than you are. May be they give away more charity than you do. May be you give 10% of your income and they give 50% of theirs. May be they volunteer to help the needy despite their tough routine when you prefer to stay in bed and chill. May be they are much more compassionate than you are. May be they don’t judge people and think or speak ill of them like you do. May be they love God more than you do. May be they are more devout to God in their hearts than you can ever be. May be their hearts contain more compassion than yours ever can. May be they don't dress up as 'religiously' as you do but they are more honest in their personal and professional dealings or matters than you are. May be they never lie. May be they never cheat. You don’t know everything about them. You don’t know what’s in their hearts. You are NO ONE to judge them or make the assumption that they are doomed or deviant or lost. NO. Not at all. You can disagree with them but you can’t judge them and so you shouldn’t.

Last but not the least. This does not apply to religion only but also to every other aspect of your life.

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Abuse in Marriage

Lately, I have been coming across lots of stories of women being in abusive relationships. In most of the cases, the abuse is inflicted by the husband & in some cases by in-laws as well & that is not even the saddest part. The saddest part is that most of these women are planning to put up with the abuse or continue to live in such relationships despite the abuse. Some of these sisters are doing so because they think or have been advised by their own families, sometimes even by their own parents that they should practice “patience”. The concept of patience here is so insanely incorrect that I can’t even figure out from where to start. Patience does not in any way mean that you should suffer in silence & let someone abuse you & walk all over you. If you are doing so, you are not practicing patience. The only thing that you are doing here is that you are encouraging your abuser. You are telling them that they can treat you in absolutely any way they would like & you are still going to put up with them. I have added two links at the end of this post. The concept of patience has been communicated beautifully in these short lectures. Kindly listen to these lectures, unlearn the concept of patience that is currently in your mind & relearn it.

Now I know that I am in no position to pass any judgments on anyone. I cannot put myself in your shoes. I have no idea what challenges you are facing or are afraid of facing if you take a stand & decide to end such a relationship. But I am telling you this because this is exactly what I would tell my own sister if I find her in a similar situation God forbid. You should have zero tolerance for abuse. And when I talk about abuse, I am not talking only about physical abuse. Abuse is also emotional & it is also psychological. Abuse also means being tortured mentally by someone’s words or behavior or small gestures. You should have zero tolerance for all kinds of abuse. Learn to respect yourself. You shouldn’t allow absolutely anyone to mistreat you let alone abuse you or put their hands on you. I would also like to address those parents, those brothers & sisters & those relatives who when learn about the abuse that is inflicted upon their daughters, their sisters they advise them to put up with it & to practice so called “patience” & tell them that the beasts that they are living with will probably turn into a human one day. You guys are supposed to be the guardians of these poor souls, you are supposed to be their support system, their strength. How can you possibly force them into such misery? How can you let them suffocate inside like this? How can you so casually let someone mistreat your daughters & your sisters?

I would also like to address those who are living in such relationships due to their children. I do not have any children of my own but as someone’s child let me tell you that there is nothing that is as disturbing as one’s parents fighting with one another. When children grow up in a home where abuse takes place you cannot expect your children not to get affected by it. It will definitely affect them psychologically & emotionally & it will also eventually affect their behavior & their personalities. So when it comes to your child’s mental health & personality development, you are not at all helping your child here by staying in an abusive relationship. Plus, children learn from their parents. So in such a case, from one parent a child can learn to be passive in the face of abuse & let others mistreat them & from other parent a child can learn to be abusive. Please bear in mind here, you are raising somebody’s husband, somebody’s wife, somebody’s father & somebody’s mother. In addition to that, some children start questioning the whole idea of marriage when they grow up because the kind of marriage that they had witnessed between their parents while growing up was infact questionable. Not to mention, when you stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of your child, your child can start blaming himself/herself for your misery. He/she can think that I am the reason why my parents have to live so miserably. If you don’t want to deprive your children of their father then you can always share their custody with their father.

In the end, I would address those sisters who are well educated & can support themselves & their families but are staying in such relationships just because of the pressure of society. Please liberate yourself. The society doesn’t have to put up with the abuse but it is “you” who has to put up with it. “You” are the one who has to suffer. Cut yourself off from people who don’t bring anything in your life apart from negativity. You shouldn’t care about them. They are not worth it. You should take care of yourself first & foremost. You deserve better.

I would conclude this post by making dua for all of those sisters who are suffering from abuse that may Allah ease their pain, make way out for them, guide them & bless them with contentment & happiness. Ameen.

https://youtu.be/1dAbiisj-kI

https://youtu.be/6mzFJikLyG8

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One Step at a Time

When you see a sea of obstacles in front of you. There lies obstacle after obstacle after obstacle as far as your sight has access to and you feel completely overwhelmed by them. You feel as if you are never going to be able to cross them all. Even the thought of crossing these obstacles exhausts you and brings you down. You cannot find enough strength or energy to pull yourself up and start working on crossing them. You feel that you are stuck here forever and you are never going to be able to find a way out. You feel as if you are never going to be able to reach your destination. You feel despair and at the same time you feel anxious. You are worried about what is going to happen if you are unable to reach your destination and at the same time you have no hope of reaching your destination...….. When you feel this way take a step back and a deep breath. All you need at such a moment is hope and strength. Hope that even though you are currently unable to see your destination you are finally going to reach there. All you have to do in order to reach there is cross the obstacles that lie in your way. One by one. One after the other. In order to cross these obstacles what you are going to need is strength so that you can make enough efforts to overcome them. Both hope and strength come by only one means, that is, faith. Faith is believing in something that you cannot see. So even though you cannot see your destination right now you can still have the surety that you are going to reach there if you have faith. But faith in what? Faith in a power. A power that is supreme. A power that controls everything. Everything that happens to you, everything that surrounds you, everything that lies ahead of you, everything that lies behind you and everything other than that. A power that loves you more than anyone else ever can. A power that cares for you and wishes well for you more than anyone else ever can. A power that wants to help you and take you to your destination. A power that is always with you, looking out for you, watching over you. A power that wants nothing short of what’s best for you. A power for which nothing is impossible. A power that can solve all your problems and can make all your worries disappear and wants to do so. A power that can provide you relief and wants to provide you relief. A power that wants to guide you but does not want to spoon feed you. Because it wants you to learn and wants you to become strong. When you have faith in that power ask the possessor of that power to aid you, to guide you, to have your back and to make things easy for you. You may not be able to see the way out yet but once you have faith in that power and seek help from its possessor, it will light up hope in your heart. This hope will charge you up with enough energy and strength that you will be able to make the efforts to cross each and every obstacle that lies in your way. Once you have that strength and that energy all you have to do is focus on the first obstacle that you see in your way and try to cross it. Then work on the next one then the next one then the next one and keep going. Eventually you will reach your destination. Don’t get overwhelmed by what you cannot see, what scares you. Just take one step at a time, focus on solving one problem at a time, focus on crossing one obstacle at a time and eventually you will reach your destination. You will reach your destination by taking these small steps. The energy that drives you to take these steps will come to you by having hope. And it will all start when you have faith.

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Minnu

Arrival of an Adorable Angel:

Once upon a time, a little angel arrived at a house in the form of an adorable, tiny kitten. She was absolutely gorgeous. She had the cutest flat face, gorgeous and fluffy fur which was white from the middle and grey at the tail, tips of the limbs and center of the face. Ears were grey in color, lighter shade at the center growing darker by the edges. Most perfect set of crystal blue eyes one could ever see. She was like a masterpiece of God’s artwork. She completely occupied the hearts of a woman and her two daughters who lived in that house. The woman named her minnu out of sheer love. Soon enough, she herself came to know that her name was minnu and she was supposed to respond when someone calls that name but chose to ignore it anyway although, an ear used to turn in the direction from where the voice calling her name was heard. 

Minnu’s Life:

The purpose of her life was to play.  Wide open eyes, pupils expanded to full extent, sparkles in the eyes, tail swishing at full speed and she would give you the cutest look, challenging you to catch her and would make the cutest brief sound and then run at full speed. From one corner of the house to another, with the speed like that of cheetah. You would not be able to catch her while she is in that state. If you touch her or kiss her when she doesn’t want you to (which is almost all the time except the time when she wakes up from a nap) then it would be certain that you are going to get deep scratches on your hands. If you put the dish of food out for her she would go and sit beside it and will watch you, ordering you to come and stir the bowl for her. When you would sit down beside her, stir the bowl for her and move your hands on her head. After that she would end her tantrums and finally start eating. She loved the woman, who called herself her mama, more than anyone else. Mama was her favorite person. The daughters however, were more like maids for her. Who would attend to her needs, listen and obey her orders and play with her when she wants. The daughters didn’t mind this attitude in the least and it could never affect the love and affection that they felt for her. However, if the daughters were unable to give her attention due to any reason she would get upset. In short, she would show that she didn’t need attention but she very much did! You could say that she was in fact one of the few luckiest beings in this world for having had so much love and care. She would sleep with mama on her bed. When the daughters would bring her to their room, on their bed so that she would sleep with them she would refuse in the cutest arrogant way and go sleep somewhere else. When she would be in a deep sleep in the middle of the night, she would suddenly make the cutest meow noise while asleep then when you would go give her a pat and say in a sweet voice ‘what happened minnu?’ she would stop making the noise and continue to sleep. She would get up in the morning at or before the break of dawn then the first person to wake up would be asked to open the door and let her out for the stroll. After couple of hours of stroll someone would have to go and pick her up, bring her back home. Sometimes if she would be waiting for you, she would complain to you for being late. Sometimes, when she was not in a mood for a long stroll, she would come back by herself and stand at the door asking anyone to open it. There was no food that she was fond of. Not even TUNA. Yes, she would even refuse to eat tuna. But one thing she could never get tired of and would eat with tears of delight in her eyes was cream cheese.

Minnu’s Departure:

The family faced some crisis when she turned five. They had to change multiple houses. Everywhere, she accompanied them as a part of family, because she was indeed family. She remained as playful her whole life until few months before she turned seven. Every year mama and the daughters used to wish her on her birthday, give extra cuddles and kisses, so much so, that she would get angry for being kissed and hugged so much (she would not mind that much if it was mama). When it was her seventh birthday, the girls felt extra affectionate towards her, felt sad and cried while wishing her. Not knowing the reason behind the sad feeling and tears. The reason became evident couple of months after her seventh birthday. She was diagnosed with feline leukemia. The women did everything in their power to save their baby. It broke their hearts to see such a playful baby struggling to breath, not being able even to get up. They tried every possible thing in their power but God Almighty took her under His shelter within two days and her precious soul departed for a journey back to her Creator. She is now in the heaven, as healthy as never before, as happy as never before, under the best of all shelters, under the best guardianship, under the shade of our Lord! I can imagine her running and playing in the eternal gardens with her eyes of full excitement and happiness, in the soothing breeze, in the most beautiful and safest place. By His will and mercy our Lord will re-unite us one day and we shall all remain happily together ever after.

Farewell:

Dearest Baby Minnu,

Although, this temporary period of separation is agonizing right now, looking at absolutely anything from the bowl in which you used to eat to the litter in which you used to pee brings your countless memories to the mind and the heart breaks again and again when the thought of never being able to see you again in this life strikes hard. Your loss is irreplaceable and irreparable. We miss you terribly, our hearts ache for our dolly, we want to see our baby, be with you, cuddle with you, kiss you, play with you, see happiness in your eyes, see you happy and healthy again, give you lots of lots of love but we know that although you are not with us anymore but wherever you are that is a better place and you are happy there, healthy again, happy again and will remain so forever by the will of God. Our hearts find peace in the thought that you are in the best custody now. You have nothing to fear, nothing to feel sad about because you are with the one who loves you the most, cares for you the most and is most merciful of the merciful. Whose love, mercy and care for you absolutely overshadow the love, mercy and care that we ever had for you. By His will and mercy, He will re-unite us one day and then we will be able to see you, be with you, cuddle you, kiss you, play with you, see happiness in your eyes, see you happy and healthy again, give lots of lots of love and then we shall remain together forever. Rest in peace minnu. You will always be loved, always be remembered and will always, always remain in our hearts. We love you!

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