Do Not Judge

There is a sect of Islam that has certain beliefs that I don’t agree with. As a matter of fact, there are many such sects. And not only Islam. There are other religions that have certain beliefs that I don’t agree with. But there is this particular sect in Islam whose ways I find rather amusing or one can say worth mocking. But recently I have been thinking about one thing. There is a saying by Rumi:

So there actually ARE multiple paths to reach God, to find Him. Each path IS actually different from the rest. Just because I am on a different path than someone else I am in no position to assume that I am right and the other person is wrong or vice versa. May be I am wrong and he is right. May be he is wrong and I am right. May be we are both right. May be we are both wrong.

There are certain things, certain beliefs, certain ways that ARE right and some that ARE wrong. But it is not our job to judge people and label them as deviant or righteous. Not at all. We are in no position for that. Only one who is in such a position is God Himself. It is up to him to decide who is righteous and who is deviant. Who is going to hell and who is going to heaven? Because He knows what lies within peoples' hearts while we don't. Our job is to acquire knowledge and educate ourselves so that we can learn and decide by ourselves what is right for us to do or believe and what is not. Because how else will we be able to develop our beliefs and values. But the first thing that we must learn before learning to distinguish between right and wrong is that whatever knowledge I acquire it SHOULD NOT make me judgmental towards others.

The thing is that knowledge is never constant. It evolves. It evolves and the process of evolution is never ending. As your knowledge evolves, your understanding of what’s right and what’s wrong changes. What today you think is wrong, tomorrow you will probably think that the same thing is right and vice versa. So never mock anyone for their beliefs or the ways that they follow because tomorrow it is possible for you to find yourself sharing their beliefs and ways.

Lets say you disagree with someone on a certain matter. Lets say they ARE actually wrong and you ARE actually right about that matter. And you mock them or judge them or assume that because of their ignorance regarding this particular matter they are going to be doomed. They are lost. And so you look down upon them. What if there are certain acts of theirs due to which they are dearer to God than you are. May be they give away more charity than you do. May be you give 10% of your income and they give 50% of theirs. May be they volunteer to help the needy despite their tough routine when you prefer to stay in bed and chill. May be they are much more compassionate than you are. May be they don’t judge people and think or speak ill of them like you do. May be they love God more than you do. May be they are more devout to God in their hearts than you can ever be. May be their hearts contain more compassion than yours ever can. May be they don't dress up as 'religiously' as you do but they are more honest in their personal and professional dealings or matters than you are. May be they never lie. May be they never cheat. You don’t know everything about them. You don’t know what’s in their hearts. You are NO ONE to judge them or make the assumption that they are doomed or deviant or lost. NO. Not at all. You can disagree with them but you can’t judge them and so you shouldn’t.

Last but not the least. This does not apply to religion only but also to every other aspect of your life.

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Abuse in Marriage

Lately, I have been coming across lots of stories of women being in abusive relationships. In most of the cases, the abuse is inflicted by the husband & in some cases by in-laws as well & that is not even the saddest part. The saddest part is that most of these women are planning to put up with the abuse or continue to live in such relationships despite the abuse. Some of these sisters are doing so because they think or have been advised by their own families, sometimes even by their own parents that they should practice “patience”. The concept of patience here is so insanely incorrect that I can’t even figure out from where to start. Patience does not in any way mean that you should suffer in silence & let someone abuse you & walk all over you. If you are doing so, you are not practicing patience. The only thing that you are doing here is that you are encouraging your abuser. You are telling them that they can treat you in absolutely any way they would like & you are still going to put up with them. I have added two links at the end of this post. The concept of patience has been communicated beautifully in these short lectures. Kindly listen to these lectures, unlearn the concept of patience that is currently in your mind & relearn it.

Now I know that I am in no position to pass any judgments on anyone. I cannot put myself in your shoes. I have no idea what challenges you are facing or are afraid of facing if you take a stand & decide to end such a relationship. But I am telling you this because this is exactly what I would tell my own sister if I find her in a similar situation God forbid. You should have zero tolerance for abuse. And when I talk about abuse, I am not talking only about physical abuse. Abuse is also emotional & it is also psychological. Abuse also means being tortured mentally by someone’s words or behavior or small gestures. You should have zero tolerance for all kinds of abuse. Learn to respect yourself. You shouldn’t allow absolutely anyone to mistreat you let alone abuse you or put their hands on you. I would also like to address those parents, those brothers & sisters & those relatives who when learn about the abuse that is inflicted upon their daughters, their sisters they advise them to put up with it & to practice so called “patience” & tell them that the beasts that they are living with will probably turn into a human one day. You guys are supposed to be the guardians of these poor souls, you are supposed to be their support system, their strength. How can you possibly force them into such misery? How can you let them suffocate inside like this? How can you so casually let someone mistreat your daughters & your sisters?

I would also like to address those who are living in such relationships due to their children. I do not have any children of my own but as someone’s child let me tell you that there is nothing that is as disturbing as one’s parents fighting with one another. When children grow up in a home where abuse takes place you cannot expect your children not to get affected by it. It will definitely affect them psychologically & emotionally & it will also eventually affect their behavior & their personalities. So when it comes to your child’s mental health & personality development, you are not at all helping your child here by staying in an abusive relationship. Plus, children learn from their parents. So in such a case, from one parent a child can learn to be passive in the face of abuse & let others mistreat them & from other parent a child can learn to be abusive. Please bear in mind here, you are raising somebody’s husband, somebody’s wife, somebody’s father & somebody’s mother. In addition to that, some children start questioning the whole idea of marriage when they grow up because the kind of marriage that they had witnessed between their parents while growing up was infact questionable. Not to mention, when you stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of your child, your child can start blaming himself/herself for your misery. He/she can think that I am the reason why my parents have to live so miserably. If you don’t want to deprive your children of their father then you can always share their custody with their father.

In the end, I would address those sisters who are well educated & can support themselves & their families but are staying in such relationships just because of the pressure of society. Please liberate yourself. The society doesn’t have to put up with the abuse but it is “you” who has to put up with it. “You” are the one who has to suffer. Cut yourself off from people who don’t bring anything in your life apart from negativity. You shouldn’t care about them. They are not worth it. You should take care of yourself first & foremost. You deserve better.

I would conclude this post by making dua for all of those sisters who are suffering from abuse that may Allah ease their pain, make way out for them, guide them & bless them with contentment & happiness. Ameen.

https://youtu.be/1dAbiisj-kI

https://youtu.be/6mzFJikLyG8

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